


With its joys and its heartaches, time marches on

by skindyedblue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas Eve, Gen, Grimmauld Place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 23:12:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5474054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skindyedblue/pseuds/skindyedblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas has never been a happy affair at 12 Grimmauld Place. But this year, perhaps, new memories can be made that will be.<br/> </p><p>A Secret Santa gift to the lovely Renella (<a href="shelvesforbooksandmugsfortea.tumblr.com">shelvesforbooksandmugsfortea</a>). I hope you like it, dearheart!</p>
            </blockquote>





	With its joys and its heartaches, time marches on

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, my dear people,  
>  _Merry Christmas is here,_  
>  With holly and mistletoe  
> And its good will and cheer!  
> With its joys and its heartaches,  
> With its laughter and song,  
> It comes as a reminder  
> That time marches along.
> 
> \-- Gertrude Tooley Buckingham, “When Christmas Comes”

Remus’ gut twisted as he stumbled into the parlor at 12 Grimmauld Place. Even after decades in the wizarding world traveling by portkey still left him nauseous and disoriented. The Floo had been disconnected following the Ministry attack earlier in the week and apparition was too risky, which, of course, left either walking or portkey.

Shaking his head to dispel the last of his dizziness, Remus carefully set the broken teacup down then did a double take. The cobwebs and dust that so distinctly marked the house were gone, replaced with wreaths and lights and the very noticeable scent of pine. Stepping out into the hall Remus started at the row of mounted house elves, their somber faces festooned with jaunty hats and garlands. Where in the hell had Sirius found half of these decorations? **  
**

A bubble of laughter rose up in his throat as he caught sight of the tree; it nearly touched the ceiling, the branches drooping in places from the weight of live fairies and ornaments, with parcels and packages stuffed haphazardly beneath. The place was hardly recognizable from the dreary mansion it had been less than a month prior. Remus did a slow turn to take everything in before following the loud shouts and laughter emanating from the dining room. **  
**

He was about to call out a greeting when Hermione caught sight of him from the table and smiled widely. **  
**

“Professor Lupin!” she exclaimed. Several red heads turned toward the door with varying expressions of shock, confusion, and joy. **  
**

She and Ginny were sitting together, the most recent edition of _Witch Weekly_ open between them. From what Remus could see it featured a rather talkative witch who was gesturing excitedly toward a set of brooms. Ginny caught his eye and smiled warmly, although there was a keen look of exhaustion on her face. **  
**

“What are you --” Fred was interrupted mid-sentence as his mother turned the corner from the kitchen. **  
**

“Remus! How- when did you get here?” Molly’s eyes widened, “It’s not Arthur?” **  
**

“Oh, no. No. He’s fine,” Remus said quickly, noticing that Fred and George visibly relaxed at this. “It was Minerva, actually. She wanted me to pass a message on to Sirius. I, uh, I hope I’m not intruding?” In fact, it very much seemed like he was. The Weasley children all still had their eyes trained on him, and Hermione had her nose scrunched up in thought as though she were working at solving a particularly hard puzzle. The girl was far too clever for her own good sometimes. **  
**

Even more unsettling was the expression Molly had, somewhere between sympathy and understanding. **  
**

“Of course not, Remus. The more the merrier as Sirius has taken to saying. I’ll just add another plate to the table for dinner. Harry and Sirius went upstairs a few minutes ago,” she nodded her chin in the direction of the stairs. **  
**

Remus offered a nod of thanks. As he turned away the low buzz of conversation resumed, although without its previous mirth. Now that he was looking for it the tension in the house, even in spite of all the holiday cheer, was everywhere, heavy and sharp. Something made all the more noticeable by the absence of cheerful fatherly banter which always accompanied the brood of redheaded children. He still didn’t have all the details on how Arthur was attacked, although he certainly knew _why_. It was a miracle the Order managed to find him in time, that Harry was able to sound the alarm. **  
**

That worried him most of all. Harry. How was he tied to all of this? Albus and Minerva had been hesitant with the details, only explaining that he had experienced a nightmare of sorts.Whatever it was had shaken him enough to wake Minerva. Beyond that Remus didn’t know. It frustrated him greatly to be so closed off from issues affecting the Order, even if he couldn’t fault their reasoning. The company that Remus now kept much of the time were not prone to tact or discretion. **  
**

Climbing the stairs he tried to push the thoughts away, his current circumstances could not be helped and the Healers at St Mungos were some of the best in the world. So long as Arthur continued to take a blood replenishing potion there was time to find an antidote. **  
**

He found Harry’s old room and rapped his knuckles against the wood before letting himself in, seeing mirrored expressions of shock, then joy. And for a split second he saw _James_. James and Sirius as they had been so many times, planning some elaborate prank or deciphering some spell they had found. **  
**

God, he missed them. **  
**

Even Sirius, who stood in front of him whole and alive, was not the man they’d known. He never would be again. A decade in Azkaban stole that from him. Just as his own years in hiding marked his own face, each full moon forcibly tearing him away from permanence. New scars, both inside and out, that marked surviving, that carved away the person he’d been. How could so much change in such a short time? Something in his heart gave a feeble twinge and Remus had to clear his throat loudly in order to suppress it. **  
**

“Molly said you’d be up here,” Remus said, forcing a smile. “Harry, would you mind if I had a moment with Sirius alone?” **  
**

“Sure,” said Harry, exchanging a brief look with his godfather before quickly descending the stairs. **  
**

Sirius was next to him in two quick strides, shutting the door and reaching for Remus’ shoulder, his voice hoarse. “Is everything alright? Arthur?” **  
**

“Nothing has changed, if that’s what you’re asking. Minerva wanted me to come check on Harry.” **  
**

_And you_ , Remus thought. **  
**

Sirius raked a hand through his hair, his shoulders sagging. “He, Harry said that… that he wasn’t watching the snake. He was the snake, Remus.” Sirius sighed heavily, leaning his body against the door. “You should have seen them when they portkeyed here, it was a mess. They thought he was dead.” **  
**

“ _What_? Sirius, what happened?” **  
**

Haltingly Sirius shared what he knew and what he had pieced together from Molly, Harry and the scant messages from Dumbledore. The image that it painted left a vise around Remus’ chest, squeezing tighter and tighter as though trying to extinguish the last bit of hope he had left. **  
**

And Sirius. He looked so tired. So very tired. It was as though the door was the only thing keeping him on his feet. Remus breathed in deeply, trying to push back against the weight of it all. If only to give that space between his lungs room enough to remind him that there were still things worth fighting for. **  
**

He didn’t allow himself time to think, wrapping his arms around Sirius as though his own body could shield the other man. He could feel Sirius tense under the touch; his muscles trembling with the need to run. And god Remus couldn’t blame him for it. Everything in him screamed to do the same. That if they ran far enough they could outlast the memories that haunted every corner. **  
**

Especially in this place. Even with all the bright lights and cheerful music, every room, every niche, held memories that Sirius had sworn to forget. And now after everything he was trapped within its walls, again. **  
**

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” Remus whispered. **  
**

Sirius let out a harsh breath, somewhere between a laugh and a sob, and leaned into Remus, his face pressed into his shoulder. “I didn’t know what to do with any of them. Merlin, I was expecting Fred or George to hex me and apparate to the Ministry. Moony, how am I supposed to be there for Harry if the smallest thing --” **  
**

“This wasn’t a small thing and we both know it. You were here for him when he needed you. When they all needed you.” **  
**

“It’s not enough.” **  
**

“It never is.” **  
**

That brought a real laugh from Sirius as he hastily scrubbed any proof of his tears away with the back of his sleeve. His eyes were rimmed red, but the smile was back in place, even if it faltered at the edges. Remus wondered if his own face was any less convincing. **  
**

As Sirius opened the door Remus gestured for him to wait, rummaging in his robes until he found a rectangular parcel wrapped in shiny red paper. “I got something at Diagon Alley before I came here, it’s a gift for Harry.” **  
**

“A book. You got him a book?” Sirius eyed the gift and gave Remus a pointed look. “Is it even a good book? Don’t tell me you got him the newest edition of Hogwarts: A History.” **  
**

“No, it’s a set of books. _Practical Defensive Magic and Its Use Against the Dark Arts_ , and it’s from _both_ of us. I even put your name on it.” **  
**

Sirius let out a snort of laughter as he looked at the tag and saw in Remus’ cramped handwriting. Tucking the parcel under an arm he stepped out onto the landing. “Fine then. _Both_ of us should be heading downstairs before Molly begins to wonder what we are up to.”

 

* * *

 

Dinner turned out to be a festive affair. **  
**

Harry and Sirius had sat together during the meal in rapt conversation about previous Christmases spent with the Potters, the look of joy and awe on the young man’s face unmistakable. It only seemed to spur Sirius on, his face becoming more animated as he spoke.  Eventually the stories turned toward quidditch and what the current Gryffindor quidditch team had planned once the holidays ended. Harry’s lackluster replies regarding his house team were quickly replaced by excitement as Sirius explained some of James’ favorite quidditch plays when he was team captain. **  
**

“Can’t that wait?” Hermione asked when Harry had run up to his room for a quill and parchment with plans to pass on everything to Angelina when he got back. **  
**

“Are you daft? We need all the help we can get!” Ron shot back, leaning in close once the conversation resumed. **  
**

However, even as the Weasleys listened in it was clear that Sirius’ sole focus was Harry. The way he lit up at every question asked, sharing as much as he dared and listening intently to Harry’s own stories, it was clear that the rest of the room had become little more than an afterthought. **  
**

It made Remus smile to see them huddled close, the somber expressions of early in the day replaced by ones of joy. **  
**

The mood was made even lighter when Sirius had procured Walburga’s finest china, passed down through the Black generations, when Molly had asked the children to set the table. Her apprehension at using something so fine was cheerfully met with the explanation that at least one happy memory should be related to the heirlooms. Adding to that the crystal goblets and goblin made flatware the meal looked as though it was meant for royalty. **  
**

Even so, Remus was unsure how Molly had managed to to cook everything in such a short span of time. Sirius let out a bark of laughter when it came to light that she had transfigured a bookcase into a second stove. However the end result was certainly worth it; roast pheasant, brussel sprouts, pigs in blankets, roast potatoes, redcurrant jelly, bread sauce, and treacle tart blended together into a mouth watering aroma. Remus couldn’t remember the last time he had been at such a feast. **  
**

He, along with the Weasleys, Sirius, Harry, and Hermione piled their finely crafted plates high with good food, filling the room loud chatter, the joy of it all quickly erasing the tension from earlier in the day. **  
**

The calm gaiety of the meal, unsurprisingly, was short lived. **  
**

“Eugh!” Ginny shrieked as a well aimed brussel sprout landed neatly in her lap. Across the table George sniggered as Fred looked keenly interested in his plate. She was just about to fling it back when Hermione leaned over to whisper something in her ear causing Ginny to grin. **  
**

“That’s cheating!” yelled Fred. **  
**

“Since when? You flung a vegetable at me first, it’s not my fault you didn’t plan for the consequences.” **  
**

Remus caught sight of Harry trying to cover a smile as the twins further complained about their plight, occasionally flinging slices of vegetable at unsuspecting siblings. Ron had already chucked one potato wedge at the twins, looking triumphant with it whacked George in the temple. It took Molly threatening to make them all clean the dishes without magic ( _yes, including you, George!_ ) to prevent an all out food fight at the table. **  
**

As the meal wound to a close Sirius produced a bottle of liquor, offering both Molly and Remus a generous snifter before pouring one for himself, as Fred and George’s plaintive expressions falling on deaf ears. They might have been of wizarding age, but there wasn’t a wizard in the house that was about to defy Molly and her stern-faced “No.” **  
**

As Remus sipped at the drink it created a warm fire in his belly and he couldn’t help letting out a contented sigh. Reaching for the bottle he scanned the label and chuckled. “ _Cognac_? Since when do you drink anything Muggle-made?” **  
**

“Since I learned that on occasion they know how to manage their liquor.” Sirius grinned, downing the rest of his glass. Remus could see him eyeing the bottle, the thought playing through his head, but was thankful to see it put away instead. From Molly’s approving glance he wasn’t the only one relieved to see an ebb in Sirius’ drinking. **  
**

Molly toddled a little as she rose from the table, squinting as she levitated the dirty dishes toward the kitchen, humming a tune to herself as she did so. He had expected to see Kreacher to be complaining about the treatment of his mistress’ prized possessions, but the house elf had been thankfully silent for most of the day. Remus could only hope the elf was hiding off in some corner and not causing trouble for the rest of them. **  
**

As Remus stretched, several joints popping loudly, a sense of contentment spread throughout his chest. The vise that had held him so tightly a few hours ago seemed like a distant memory. He could see Harry quietly talking with Ron and Hermione in the parlor, their heads nearly touching. Sirius had found, somewhere, more sprigs of holly and was placing the greenery around the dining room at random. Ginny was at the table skimming over a book she had found in the Black library, one of the few which illustrated defensive spells instead of hexes and curses, her fingers occasionally imitating the wand movements spells that interested her. **  
**

A smile curled up the corner of his mouth when cursory glance revealed that two redheads were missing. **  
**

“Where are Fred and George?” Remus asked. **  
**

“Likely collecting doxy eggs,” Ginny replied. “Apparently they are a key ingredient in puking pastilles.” **  
**

“In _what_?” Sirius laughed, tossing the remainder of the perennials on the table. **  
**

“Puking Pastilles. They’re part of a box of sweets they invented over the summer called Skiving Snackboxes,” she scooted closer, her voice pitched low. “Each candy will cause you to become ill in a different way. You know, fever, vomiting, thank sort of thing. They’ve become a very popular means of avoiding Umbridge.” **  
**

“Brilliant! Why didn’t we think of that, Moony?” **  
**

“Because we never had an Umbridge to motivate us.” **  
**

“No, we just had Filch always at our heels with that god-awful cat.” **  
**

“How is she not dead?” Remus laughed. “I’m telling you there is something wrong with a cat that lives more than 30 years.” **  
**

“Better not let Professor McGonagall hear you say that,” Ron called out, his attention focused on the men at the table. **  
**

“Ha. I don’t think anyone hates that damn cat more than her.” Remus replied, finishing the last of the cognac in his glass. “Remember that time Kettleburn tried to prove Mrs Norris was a kneazle? I swear Filch would have hexed him if he’d had the chance.” **  
**

“Now that is something I would have paid to see.” Sirius smiles, his eyes going a little distant. “Or when we talked those Slytherins into going into the Forest? Told them that a colony of snidgets were there and some of the third years got it into their heads to find and sell them?” **  
**

“I swear Albus had to have known it was us,” Remus shook his head, laughter spilling out between words. “With that speech he gave at dinner that following weekend? How’d that go? ‘My dear students there has not been, to the best of my knowledge, a snidget sanctuary on the Hogwarts grounds. Ever. If you are adamant on traipsing into the Forbidden Forest at least look for something that is there. --’” **  
**

“‘I would highly recommend the Acromantula colony if you are feeling frisky.’” Sirius finished the sentence, his voice taking on the tone and cadence of Dumbledore before slouching over the table in laughter. “Merlin’s arse, do you remember their faces?” **  
**

“It was worth every detention.” Remus chuckled. **  
**

There was a loud _crack!_ from the parlor followed by a yell from Hermione as Fred and George fled into the kitchen, Crookshanks on their heels, nearly knocking Sirius over in their escape. **  
**

“She’s going to jinx you one of these times, you know that right?” Ginny yelled after them with a grin. **  
**

“Nah, she won’t!” **  
**

“Do that one more time and I’ll consider it, prefect or not!” came an exasperated voice from the parlor. **  
**

Sirius and Ginny shared a glance then burst into laughter. Sirius grinned as he watched Crookshanks trot back toward Hermione, a large piece of fabric between his teeth. No doubt a trophy for his beloved owner. “They’re playing with fire, the twins have to know that. Sooner rather than later she’s going to blast the eyebrows off one of them.” **  
**

“Fred’ll be lucky if that’s all she does. He’s seen her during D.A. lessons.” **  
**

“I bet Minerva is itching to be a part of that,” Remus muses. “Anything to take a piece out of Umbridge’s self-inflating shi--” **  
**

“Remus!” yelled Molly’s voice from the kitchen, her tone holding a clear warning. **  
**

“Sorry, Molly,” Remus winced, then dropped his voice to a whisper. “Does she hear everything?” **  
**

“Pretty much,” grinned Ginny.

 

* * *

 

It was nearing eleven by the time Molly corralled all the children upstairs, excitement for the following day nearly coming off them in waves. From overhead several loud thumps and the slamming of doors could be heard followed by the very obvious stomping of feet, and someone who sounded a great deal like Ginny yelling at persons unknown to “Sod off!” **  
**

“They may not be asleep but they’re in bed,” Molly sighed, sitting back in one of the parlors plush armchair and setting her feet up on a matching ottoman, slippered toes wiggling in front of the fireplace. **  
**

Another slamming door reverberated from upstairs and she let out another long sigh but did not deign to rise and investigate. **  
**

“I do not envy you, Molly,” Sirius said with a smirk, his eyes trained on the ceiling. “I hardly know what to do with Harry half of the time. Imagine having seven of them.” **  
**

“It’s not so bad, Sirius. And Harry is a good boy. You’d just need some time to figure things out, that’s normal.” Molly’s voice was kind but not coddling. “Arthur and I both came from decent sized families and even so we felt like we didn’t know up from down. The important thing to remember is that you are learning just as much from them as they are from you. And Harry would be lucky to learn all you have to give.” Remus could see in her expression she meant what she said. Sirius could do it, he could raise Harry, whenever this damn war ended and his name was cleared. And she had every faith that he would succeed. **  
**

Sirius’ face softened and it seemed for a moment that he wouldn’t be able to find the words he was searching for. “I… thank you, Molly.” **  
**

She smiled, looking pleased. “Besides, you wouldn’t be alone.” **  
**

“What do you mean?” asked Remus, his eyes subconsciously flitting over to Sirius. **  
**

“If Harry came to live here --” **  
**

“Not here.” Sirius said, his voice hard. **  
**

“If Harry came to live with you,” Molly continued calmly. “You would have people to help. Me and Arthur, naturally, but also Remus and Minerva. Half the order would be willing to step in if ever asked.” **  
**

“That isn’t exactly a comforting thought, Molly. If I were calling on you and everyone else for help if would only leave room for the Wizengamot to step in and try to take Harry away.” The word _again_ wasn’t said, but Remus feel it floating over their heads. An angry storm cloud waiting and waiting, heavy with its burden. **  
**

Molly clicked her tongue. “Oh, Albus wouldn’t allow that to happen.” **  
**

Sirius’ lip twitched but he didn’t reply. He knew where Sirius’ mind was without having to ask. That decisive moment at the the Potter’s cottage, handing a crying child over to Rubeus on “Dumbledore’s orders.” What could have happened for them both had things turned out differently? It was pointless to wonder, yet Remus wouldn’t help imagining the life they might have had. **  
**

After a time Molly rose from her seat, stretching her back as she did. “I should head up myself, the boys will be awake at dawn and I’d best be ready for them.” **  
**

There was no need to elaborate which “boys” she would need to supervise so closely. As she rose Remus gave her a smile then started when she gently pat his cheek. It was such a maternal gesture, one he had not experienced in years, and for a moment the lump in his throat kept him from speaking. **  
**

“Goodnight,” Molly smiled then climbed the stairs. **  
**

For a time neither he nor Sirius spoke, instead enjoying the calm silence and letting the warmth from the fireplace sink in. Remus never expected Grimmauld Place to be something resembling calm, but it was. With the garlands and lights and _joy_ , it created something bright enough to dispel the shadows that still clung to the corners. **  
**

Even if preternatural the magic of it only lasted until Christmas ended Remus wouldn’t trade it for anything. **  
**

“Do you remember… Do you remember the Christmas after we graduated from Hogwarts?” Sirius asked finally, his voice slow. **  
**

“We all stayed with the Potters. Even Lily did.” **  
**

“And Mrs Potter had her stay in her own guest bedroom even though she and James were already engaged.” **  
**

Remus chuckled. “I don’t know if James found it to be more humorous or insulting.” **  
**

“Probably a bit of both,” Sirius mused. “Remus?” **  
**

“Yeah?” **  
**

“Tonight felt like that. Like we were back at the Potters and too excited and happy to worry about what was happening outside that house. We knew there was a war, that bad things were happening, but for that one night they couldn’t touch us. I didn’t think I’d have that again.” **  
**

Remus reached over, linking hands with Sirius. “I didn’t either, but here we are.” **  
**

“Here we are,” Sirius said, a soft chuckle in his voice, his eyes turning back toward the fire. **  
**

They sat like that, hands linked together, until the grandfather clock chimed with one loud dong!, the sound echoing through the quiet room. Sirius glanced up at it, the edge of a smile growing across his face. **  
**

“Happy Christmas, Moony.” **  
**

“Happy Christmas, Padfoot.” **  
**


End file.
